HOW TO RELAX....NOW!!!

How to Relax Now (Damn It!)
Lisa Kogan on why taking it easy is so hard.
By Lisa Kogan
O, The Oprah Magazine | From the October 2002 issue of O, The Oprah Magazine

I fill my bathtub with bubbles, just like Doris Day in Pillow Talk. I light a zillion cream-colored candles, just like Barbra Streisand in A Star Is Born. I play soothing music over high-quality headphones, just like Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman. But why stop there? I place thin discs of fresh cucumber over exhausted eyes just like Maggie Smith in Gosford Park. And in no time at all, I let my mind begin to wander, just like Jessica Lange right before they institutionalized her in Frances. The water is warm, the lights are low, the music is enchanting, and here is what I'm thinking: How did my medicine cabinet get chipped? What exactly is a loofah and why in God's name do I own two of them? Have I only been in here three minutes? What time is tomorrow's ideas meeting? How does a woman live more than 40 years without having one idea for tomorrow's ideas meeting? My life is ridiculous. I need a new bath mat. Is that my doorbell? Is that my phone? Why is there war? How do I get candle wax off the side of my tub? Have I only been in here three minutes and 26 seconds? Shouldn't my fingers be pruney by now? I hate my clothes. I hate my hair. I hate my towels. I hate my ability to eat more than one hamburger in a sitting. What if I never come up with another idea and I lose my job and I'm forced to live on the street without a place to recharge my electric toothbrush and my eyes go bad and I can't see that single white hair growing out of my chin and I start scaring little kids who refer to me as Old Bloody Gums Kogan and I die alone clutching my two unused loofahs and how the hell can I have only been in here for three minutes and 57 frigging seconds???

All my life, people have been urging me to relax. They put a hand on my knee to steady my shaking leg. They take me to the cockpit and introduce me to the pilot. They make me skip the nightly news and the daily paper. They offer glasses of merlot, cups of chamomile, sticks of gum, prescriptions for Ativan. They tell me about the wonders of yoga, the miracles of meditation, and a top-notch shrink in Murray Hill. It makes me very, very tense.

An intervention is staged—friends invite me to five days at a spa, and before I can protest that I'm much too busy, I find myself on the vacation I didn't think I could afford to take. Arizona is crazy beautiful. The air is perfumed with rosemary and purple sage, the mesas are dusted with pale cocoa earth, and at sunset the sky turns to mother-of-pearl. There's prickly-pear marmalade and men in white Stetsons, grand canyons and lonesome doves. My elusive search for serenity has brought me to Miraval, a spa that seems to want nothing more than to see me unwind. Rumor has it that another spa in the area searches your luggage for hidden Pringles and peanut butter cups. Miraval asks only that you be aware of what you're eating and make a point of savoring it. They believe in living mindfully, that people who are getting all the tender loving care they need will want to be good to themselves, and they provide the trainers, nutritionists, therapists, and aestheticians to help. The relaxation techniques that felt like a tedious waste of time in Manhattan feel like manna from heaven in Tucson. I am massaged with hot stones, pedicured with hibiscus, exfoliated with sea salt, anointed with oils, sunshined, sauna'd, steamed, stretched, peeled, lotioned, lathered, conditioned, polished, fed, and massaged some more. I nap, swim, read, chat, stroll, breathe deeply, sip mango iced tea, and nap some more. I avoid cell phones, e-mails, faxes, traffic jams, the frantic ticking of my biological clock, and any form of media in which I'm likely to encounter a warning from John Ashcroft. My neck slowly reappears as my shoulders slide down, my jaw unclenches, my lower back unknots, my fingers stop curling into fists, my chakras get unblocked, my chi gets released, my mood gets lifted. I become a wet fettuccine noodle in a white terry cloth robe. Nothing can faze me. The sky is falling? You don't say. The world is hurtling out of control? Praise the Lord and pass the sunblock. I develop an involuntary smile that borders on the idiotic. I don't want to leave.

There's a pretty decent chance that I won't be coming home to a large, cheerful staff waiting to unblock my chakras and release my pent-up chi. Nor will there be a chef preparing insanely delicious low-calorie desserts. So the question is this: How much bubble wrap must I be encased in to maintain this newfound tranquillity?

After one month back in the big city, I believe I have the answer: All the bubble wrap and mango tea in the world won't make the chi flow after I receive a few jolts of the same stress that caused me to flee in the first place. But if Miraval has taught me anything, it's that I have the power to help myself feel better, and if I can't completely eradicate stress, I can at least get to a place where missing a green light doesn't make me homicidal. I toss my Chinese take-out menus (hailed as one of the largest collections in North America) and invest in a copy of Conscious Cuisine: A Harmony of Flavors for a Life in Balance, by Cary Neff, Miraval's brilliant executive chef. I cook and freeze on Saturdays and come home to healthy meals all week long. I promise to treat myself to one massage a month and an occasional facial to boot. I return to the little things that used to make me happy, like swimming and walks in Central Park. I learn to unplug my phone for 20 minutes or so every night and curl up with a good book. I buy the new Tom Waits CD and play it in place of the latest in reality television. I meet old friends for Sunday brunch. I swear never to let a year go by without building in some sort of vacation. And every now and then—after a particularly harrowing day—I settle into a warm, relaxing (four-minute) bubble bath.

MY THOUGHTS

I get the point. Don't be too hard on myself. And on others for that matter. Loosen up. And when you get to a spa, just live for the moment.

relax with humor

Maintain A Sense of Humor
By Elizabeth Scott, M.S., About.com Guide
Updated August 16, 2010

About.com Health's Disease and Condition content is reviewed by the Medical Review Board

Developing a sense of humor about life’s challenges is an effective coping technique that can actually lead to better overall health as well as simple stress management. That’s because, aside from the health benefits of laughter (which are numerous and significant), having a sense of humor about life’s difficulties can provide a way to bond with others, look at things in a different way, normalize your experience, and keep things from appearing too overwhelming or scary. Properly developed, a good sense of humor can keep people and relationships strong. Here’s how to develop yours:

Difficulty: Easy
Time Required: Ongoing

Here's How:

1. Start With a Smile.
Studies show that having a smile on your face can release endorphins, which make you feel better, and can lead you to actually feeling more happy (rather than just looking more happy). If you are able to put a smile on your face, the laughter will come more easily, and the stress will melt more readily.

2. Take A Step Back.
When you’re in the middle of a difficult situation, it can seem overwhelming. If you try to see your situation as an observer would, it’s often easier to recognize what’s funny. For example, Lucy Ricardo (of the television classic, I Love Lucy) may have found nothing funny in getting locked in a freezer, having a fight with a fellow grape-squasher in a vineyard, or getting drunk while filming a television commercial for Vitamedaveggemin, but watching these scenarios can be hilarious. Sometimes imagining how you would look in a sitcom can be the secret key to finding the humor in a situation.

3. Value The Extremes.
If your situation seems ridiculously frustrating, recognize the potential humor in just how ridiculously frustrating and annoying it is. In your imagination, take the situation to an extreme that becomes even more ridiculous until you find yourself amused. For example, when you’re waiting in a long line at the store, you can imagine that hours pass, then days, visualizing yourself accepting visits from loved ones from your new home in this ultra-long line, holding your children’s birthday parties in aisle seven so you can be there to enjoy them…you get the picture.

4. Have A Funny Buddy.
Find a friend with whom you can laugh, and let the relationship work for you! You can each share your frustrations, and laugh about them in the process. Even when your friend isn’t there, you can lighten your mood in a dark situation by thinking about the retelling that will come later.

5. Make It A Game.
You can have a ‘most annoying boss’ contest with your friends, or try to count how many times the same potentially frustrating event happens in a day. (I was cut off in traffic 7 times today—I’m almost up to 10!) This works well for predictably or repetitive annoying situations that you can’t control; you can begin to value them in their own special way instead of letting them upset you.

6. Watch Funny Shows and Movies.
One of the factors that drive the popularity of shows like The Office or Everybody Loves Raymond, or movies like the classic Ferris Bueller’s Day Off, is that they take somewhat universal situations that many people find frustrating and push them a little further, pointing out the silliness of it all. Realizing that some universally annoying situations are actually funny, can help you endure them with a smile—even if it’s a wry or ironic smile.

7. Read Funny Books.
Read humorous essays like those of Dave Barry or David Sedaris, both of whom are able to take events, ranging from annoying to upsetting to even tragic, and find the humor—each in his own unique way. Also recommended are the humorous tidbits in Reader’s Digest, as well as classic humor books like Jerry Seinfeld’s SeinLanguage. Reading others’ humorous interpretations of life can help you find your own style of seeing the world in a different light.

8. Visit Funny Websites.
I love About.com’s Political Humor site, as it very effectively takes the normally frustrating and annoying (for me) world of politics and brings it to a very funny place. (The site can also serve as a reminder of how to see the humor in other situations in life.) I also recommend About.com’s general site, and David Letterman’s archives of Top 10 Lists for a good laugh.

9. Join Funny Clubs.
Oprah did a segment on Laughter Yoga that intrigued me, and I researched a club on my own, finding it to be a terrific place to enjoy a good laugh. Whether you’re taking the laughing seriously or laughing at the silliness of it all, taking part in the exercises of laughter yoga with other humor-participants can be a very effective way to get back in the practice of getting some more giggles into your day.

10. Email This Page To A Friend

MY THOUGHTS

there are days we cannot even start with a smile, right? and these are the days we need humor the most. taking a step back helps. but being with happy, funny (but sensible) people is still the best. it's hard not to have humor when you're surrounded by it. and yes, you forget about your woes once you start laughing.

Relieve Stress With Visualization Breathing

Relieve Stress With Visualization Breathing
By Elizabeth Scott, M.S., About.com Guide
Updated February 21, 2009

About.com Health's Disease and Condition content is reviewed by the Medical Review Board

Both visualization and breathing exercises have been found to be great stress relief strategies. Here are some ways that you can use visualization techniques with breathing exercises to achieve quick and effective stress relief.

Difficulty: Easy
Time Required: 5 or More Minutes

Here's How:

1. Close Your Eyes And Relax.
Let your breathing become slower and deeper.

2. Practice Stress Relief Breathing.
Breathe from your diaphragm or belly instead of from your shoulders or chest. Don't force it, but let your breathing become natural and relaxed.

3. Visualize...
As you breathe in, imagine that 'relaxation' is coming into your body and flowing through your limbs, reaching every part of you. As you exhale, imagine that all the stress from your body is being exhaled. After a few minutes, you should feel more 'full' of peace, and the stress in your body should be reduced.

4. Or...
As you breathe, imagine that your hands and feet are getting warmer. With practice, this can further reverse your stress response and actually warm your extremities, relaxing your body in the process.

5. Another Idea...
Imagine that, with each breath, your body is becoming more and more loose. With each exhale, your limbs are a little more like spaghetti, your face a little more expressionless, your body a still pool of water.

6. Keep Breathing.
For five minutes or twenty, continuing this exercise can relieve stress and help you return to your activities (and stressors) with a renewed sense of strength and serenity.

Tips:

1. If you're really tired and fear that this will put you to sleep, keep your practice to about 5 minutes, or set an alarm.

2. Conversely, if you're having trouble sleeping, this exercise may prove very helpful.

3. You may also want to try other breathing exercises.

MY THOUGHTS

i'm never gonna be able to do this. i'm more the get-up-and-run to relieve stress. when i'm awfully stressed and you ask me to stay put even for just 5 minutes, i will probably explode. let me try this tonight though. even if i'm not stressed.

Release Tension With Stress Relief Breathing

By Elizabeth Scott, M.S., About.com Guide

Updated October 09, 2007

About.com Health's Disease and Condition content is reviewed by the Medical Review Board
http://stress.about.com/od/breathingexercises/ht/breathing_ex.htm

Breathing exercises are an ideal way to relieve stress in that they’re fast, simple, free, and can be performed by just about anyone. They can also be done anywhere and at virtually any time. These factors make stress relief breathing exercises one of my most popular and convenient tension tamers. Here’s how basic controlled breathing works:

Difficulty: Easy

Time Required: You decide!

Here's How:

1. Sit or stand in a relaxed position.
2. Slowly inhale through your nose, counting to five in your head.
3. Let the air out from your mouth, counting to eight in your head as it leaves your lungs. Repeat several times. That’s it!

Tips:

1. As you breathe, let your abdomen expand outward, rather than raising your shoulders. This is a more relaxed and natural way to breathe, and helps your lungs fill themselves more fully with fresh air, releasing more “old” air.
2. You can do this just a few times to release tension, or for several minutes as a form of meditation.
3. If you like, you can make your throat a little tighter as you exhale so the air comes out like a whisper. This type of breathing is used in some forms of yoga and can add additional tension relief.

What You Need:

* A few seconds or minutes.
* A minimal amount of attention.

MY THOUGHTS

try it! and you'll know why you need this tip. it's not at all easy. if we want real relaxation and stress relief, we need to know proper breathing exercises.

Stress relief Through Self-Soothing Techniques

Coping With Stress Using Self-Soothing Skills
By Matthew Tull, PhD, About.com
Updated: October 28, 2008
About.com Health's Disease and Condition content is reviewed by the Medical Review Board



When you are upset, it is important to have ways of coping with stress. For example, seeking out social support can be an excellent way of improving your mood. However, symptoms of PTSD, such as unpleasant memories or thoughts about a past traumatic event, can sometimes occur unexpectedly, and social support may not be readily available.

Therefore, it is important to learn coping strategies that you can do on your own. Coping strategies focused on improving your mood that you can do on your own are sometimes described as self-soothing or self-care coping strategies.

Effective self-soothing coping strategies may be those that involve one or more of the five senses (touch, taste, smell, sight, and sound). Listed below are examples of self-soothing strategies for each sense.
Touch

* Soaking in a warm bath
* Getting a massage
* Relaxing in the warmth of the sun
* Stretching
* Going for a swim
* Changing into comfortable clothes
* Playing with an animal

Taste

* Eating a comforting meal
* Sipping herbal tea
* Eating healthy food
* Slowly sucking on hard candy

Smell

* Shopping for flowers
* Smelling lavender or vanilla
* Lighting a scented candle
* Deeply breathing in fresh air

Sight

* Seeing a funny movie or watching a funny television show
* Reading a good book
* Looking at pictures of loved ones
* Looking at pictures of a past vacation or places that you would like to visit
* Watching the clouds

Sound

* Listening to relaxing music
* Singing to yourself
* Saying positive statements to yourself or self-encouragement
* Playing a musical instrument

When engaging in these strategies, make sure to focus completely on the task at hand. That is, be mindful of your senses and what you are experiencing, and anytime you are distracted, simply bring your attention back to what you are doing.

Come up with your own self-soothing strategies that you can do when you are upset. Try to come up with as many as you can. The more you can come up, the better off you will be in improving your mood when you are experiencing distress.

Source:
Linehan, M.M. (1993). Skills training manual for treating borderline personality disorder. New York: Guilford Press.


MY THOUGHTS

A strong support system can certainly bring stress relief. However, I agree that there are stress relief techniques or stress coping mechanisms that we can do on our own. What's so hard about "stretching" or "changing into comfortable clothes"? I guess the physical stretching will likewise stretch our minds out of the lethargic state we are in as a manifestation of our stress. Changing into comfortable clothes can also relax us physically so we can try and relax mentally, then spiritually. Maybe this is why we feel better when we're in pajamas. Comfortable. Relaxing. No demands. NO pretentions. Just being ourselves. Well, that can be calming. These strategies are helpful enough but if you really wish to find stress relief, the answer is in you. Use these tips but go ahead and try your own self relief techniques. Maybe you can share your self relief tips with us.



http://ptsd.about.com/bio/Matthew-Tull-PhD-26501.htm
http://www.about.com/health/review.htm
http://ptsd.about.com/od/selfhelp/a/socialsupport.htm
http://ptsd.about.com/od/symptomsanddiagnosis/a/PTSDsymptoms.htm
http://ptsd.about.com/od/selfhelp/ht/mindfulexe2.htm