Are You Creating Additional Stress For Yourself?

Stress and Self Sabotage:Are You Creating Additional Mental Stress For Yourself?
Mental and Emotional Stress: Are You Your Own Worst Enemy?

By Elizabeth Scott, M.S., About.com Guide

Updated November 08, 2007

About.com Health's Disease and Condition content is reviewed by the Medical Review Board

Though virtually everyone experiences stress, sometimes the way we react to stress amounts to self sabotage! We’ve all found ourselves being impatient with people or taking out frustrations on innocent bystanders, or causing unnecessary conflicts and mental stress because stress is clouding our judgment. And while some people find themselves creating this type of drama in their lives occasionally, others make this self sabotage a way of life, continually creating additional mental and emotional stress for themselves without being aware of their own role in this! The following are some of the most common ways that people create mental and emotional stress in their own lives. Carefully think about whether any of these self sabotage techniques apply to you, so you can make simple changes to reduce significant mental and emotional stress from your life.

Being “Type A”:
People who move through the world in a Type A pattern of behavior typically rush frantically and treat others with hostility, among other things. If you react to life in a Type A manner, you’re probably bringing unnecessary emotional stress to relationships with aggressiveness. You may be missing simple solutions to problems because you’re rushing so much that you don’t pay close enough attention to details, and thereby creating bigger problems. The Type A pattern also typically brings health problems somewhere down the road. To assess your level of Type A behavior patterns, take the Type A Personality Quiz, and you’ll find an assessment and useful resources to help you stop the self sabotage.

Negative Self Talk:
Sometimes, the enemy is inside your head in the form negative self talk. The way we talk to ourselves, while generally formed during childhood, can follow us through our lives and color each experience like a ray of sunshine or a dark cloud surrounding us and blocking our vision. Those whose self talk tends to be negative may attribute malevolent intent to others when none exists, interpret potentially positive events as negative and missing important benefits, or create a self-fulfilling prophecy by believing that their stress level is more than they can handle. If you suspect that you habitually use negative self talk in your daily life, it’s not too late to learn positive self talk. By keeping a journal and using other tools to become more aware of your inner voice, using positive affirmations and surrounding yourself with positive energy, you can turn things around for the better, and experience much less mental and emotional stress in your daily life.

Poor Conflict Resolution Skills:
Do you tend to act aggressively with people when simple assertiveness will work better? Or do you passively let others walk all over you because you don’t know how to say no? Conflicts with others are generally a part of life, but how we handle them can actually strengthen relationships, or can cause loads of additional mental stress for all involved, and create bigger conflicts that take on a life of their own. Interestingly, many people who act aggressively aren’t fully aware that they’re doing harm in their relationships, and aren’t familiar with a better way of handling things. To get a better idea of how you react to conflict, take the Assertiveness Quiz, and you’ll get an assessment of your conflict-resolution style and resources at the end. You can also get ideas on how to handle conflict by reading my 10 Best Ways to Handle Conflict and 10 Worst Ways to Handle Conflict.

Pessimism:
If you’re a pessimist, you may see things as worse than they really are, may pass up opportunities to better your, overlook solutions to problems, and cause yourself mental stress in many other ways as well. Pessimism is more than just seeing the glass as half-empty; it’s a specific worldview that undermines your belief in yourself, brings poorer health outcomes, fewer positive life events, and other negative consequences. (Read this article for a more detailed explanation of the traits of pessimists and optimists, with research on the benefits of optimism.) Because the traits of optimists and pessimists are specific and slightly elusive to someone who doesn’t know what to look for, many people with pessimistic tendencies are completely unaware of it and view themselves as optimists. To know your tendencies, take The Optimism Self Test, and get an assessment of your explanatory style and find resources for how to become more of an optimist.

Taking On Too Much:
Are you overscheduled and overstressed? You may be taking on too much, and putting yourself under undue pressure because of it. Whether it’s because you’re a type A type person or because you’re not sure how to say no to others’ demands on your time, you can put yourself in a state of chronic stress if you habitually take on more than you can handle. To assess your level of balance, take the Lifestyle Balance Quiz to see if you may need a change.

MY THOUGHT

this article reminds me so much of the 7 habits. if you have not read the book yet. please do. or attend a workshop. i used to be my worst enemy and i stress myself out. and other people. but the 7 habits is not enough. the bible is the best. as soon as i start feeling that the world is about to crash and close in on me,i grab the bible or stop for few minutes to pray. trust me, the tension magically (or mysteriously? or better yet miraculously) goes away.

Develop Internal Control to Reduce Stress

Develop An Internal Locus of Control
By Elizabeth Scott, M.S., About.com Guide

Updated January 26, 2007

About.com Health's Disease and Condition content is reviewed by the Medical Review Board

Research has shown that those with an internal locus of control--that is, they feel that they control their own destiny, rather than their fate being largely determined by external forces--tend to be happier, less depressed, and less stressed. Fortunately, if your locus of control isn't as 'internal' as you'd like it to be, there are things you can do to change your locus of control and empower yourself. Here's a process to practice:

Difficulty: Average
Time Required: A Few Minutes

Here's How:

1. Realize that you always have choice to change your situation. Even if you don’t like the choices available at the moment, even if the only change you can make is in your attitude, you always have some choices.

2. When you feel trapped, make a list of all possible courses of action. Just brainstorm and write things down without evaluating them first.

3. You may want to also brainstorm with a friend to get more ideas that you may not have initially considered. Don’t shoot down these ideas right away, either; just write them down.

4. When you have a list, evaluate each one and decide on the best course of action for you, and keep the others in the back of your mind as alternative options. You may end up with the same answer you had before the brainstorming session, but this exercise can open your eyes to the amount of choices you have in a given situation. Seeing new possibilities will become more of a habit.

5. Repeat this practice when you feel trapped in frustrating situations in your life. In more casual, everyday situations, you can still expand your mind to new possibilities by doing this quickly and mentally.

Tips:

1. Notice your language and self talk. If you tend to speak in absolutes, stop. If your self talk is generally negative, read this article on the effects of negative self talk and how to make your self talk more positive.

2. Phase out phrases like, ‘I have no choice’, and, ‘I can’t…” You can replace them with, ‘I choose not to,’ or, ‘I don’t like my choices, but I will…’ Realizing and acknowledging that you always have choice (even if the choices aren’t ideal) can help you to change your situation, or accept it more easily if it really is the best of all available options.

3. Your attitude affects your stress level more than you may realize. This article can help you to learn more about mental and personality factors that influence your stress level, so you can make changes to keep stress down.

MY THOUGHTS

effective people gets all kinds of stressors but are able to manage their stress. habit #1 of the 7 habits of highly effective people is all about the locus of control. believe me, participants to the workshops that i ran almost always claimed that they have this kind of control. covey's principles however shoots right to the heart of the matter. and after the session on proactivity, most participants would say they do not actually have the control that they thought they have. it's apparent even in the way we speak - "i have no choice","there's nothing i can do", "this is just the way i am", "they won't allow that". so,if you've read this blog, read it again. and again. until you get it. then you'll know what i'm talking about.