WHAT'S CAUSING YOUR STRESS
8 Energy Zappers—and How to Avoid Them
By Annie Gottlieb
O, The Oprah Magazine | January 15, 2003
http://www.oprah.com/omagazine/Solving-the-Emotional-Energy-Crisis
Call it a personal energy crisis. On the surface, your life seems full enough—maybe even too full—yet you're running on empty. You feel stretched thin, stressed-out, drained.
Sound familiar? It's an epidemic, as described in Boston-based psychotherapist Mira Kirshenbaum's revelatory new book, The Emotional Energy Factor. The most common complaints Americans bring to our doctors, she says, are: "I feel tired all the time," and "Why do I feel so blah?" Once possible physical causes of fatigue have been ruled out (a crucial first step), many doctors diagnose mild depression and reach for the prescription pad. But is this really depression—or just depletion? And why do some people always have energy?
As a refugee child growing up poor in New York, Kirshenbaum marveled at her uncle who had fled Europe before the Holocaust yet was always singing, hoping, and dreaming. You probably know someone who has more to cope with than you do but warms and cheers everyone around her. You might also know someone who regularly turns ideas into realities not purely through talent or self-confidence but simply because her energy is stronger than any discouragement she encounters.
So where's the pump for this kind of fuel? Not in the gym or the health food store, Kirshenbaum says. It's a misconception that the energy we require is primarily physical. Yes, you need to get enough sleep, water, nutrients, and exercise. However, her survey of endocrinologists, nutritionists, and sports medicine specialists turned up an astonishing consensus: Fully 70 percent of our total energy is emotional—the kind that manifests as hope, resilience, passion, fun, and enthusiasm.
We in the developed world mostly take very good care of our bodies, but we often take lousy care of our souls. And that, says Kirshenbaum, points to the secret of high-voltage people. They don't all have lucky genes or a happy childhood—but they invariably make it a priority to protect and replenish their emotional energy. The good news is that anyone can develop this skill. Kirshenbaum's approach is refreshingly down-to-earth. First, you plug the leaks: Learn to recognize what drains your energy—life situations, toxic people, or habits of mind like worry, guilt, indecision, and envy—and take steps to avoid or minimize it. Second, you identify what fills your tank—pleasure, prayer, novelty, anticipation, fun—and give yourself more.
Since we're all different, Kirshenbaum provides a menu of strategies to choose from (see "Eight Energy Drains and How to Fix Them," at left). A few of her suggestions are novel, like resolving chronic, exhausting guilt by putting yourself on trial. If you're feeling bad about something you've done, Kirshenbaum says, ask yourself whether you were under duress or doing the best you could for your age and background. If so, give yourself a break. Not guilty. Case closed. However, if you decide you knowingly did wrong, move to what she calls the penalty phase: Do something real and specific to compensate the person you hurt or repay your debt to society. Other strategies might seem familiar—dump the bad boyfriend, set limits with your mother—but the fresh context of treasuring your emotional energy above all else may finally give you the impetus to act.
If claiming what you need sets off that "Selfish!" siren in your head ("It's one of the two ultimate ways of controlling a woman," a female patient once told Kirshenbaum: "Just tell her she's fat or she's selfish"), remember that all good things, including true, unforced giving, flow from a full heart. "Emotional energy is the precondition for everything we care about," Kirshenbaum says. "Everything worth doing that's difficult gets lost without it. Marriages fail when we run out of the emotional energy to reach one more time across the divide of anger and silence. Dreams die when we lack the emotional energy to hang in there in the face of all the obstacles. How can you be the best possible mother without emotional energy? It's never selfish for a good person to put fuel in her tank."
Once you learn how to tap this fuel, you'll discover that it's a renewable resource. "Unlike physical energy, which runs down as we get older, emotional energy can increase the more you learn what works best for you," says Kirshenbaum. "Imagine getting more and more energy every year of your life. There's always something you can do to get more."
Here are 8 common energy drains—and how to fix them:
1. Energy drain: Other people's expectations
Are you living someone else's dream for you? You're putting out energy but starving emotionally. The other person gets all the satisfaction.
Energy move: Declare independence
You bought in; you can set yourself free. No confrontation needed, just "I don't have to expect that of myself." Worst-case scenario: Someone who's not you will be disappointed. You will feel wonderful.
2. Energy drain: Loss of self
As kids, we had to play by the rules; our unique energy got caged.
Energy move: Personalize your life
Ask yourself, If it were up to me, what would I...hang on my wall? Wear to work? Do for fun? Find the pockets of freedom where you can be more yourself.
3. Energy drain: Deprivation
Duties and responsibilities fill your days. You gain weight trying to get emotional energy from food.
Energy move: Add pleasure, beauty, fun
Satisfying experiences, large and small, are the real nourishment you crave. Plan a big treat to look forward to—and a little one every day.
4. Energy drain: Envy
We often don't feel envy directly—but we might find someone else's good fortune depressing.
Energy move: Count your blessings
Comparison is a loser's game. Look at what you have, and actively feel grateful. (P.S. That person you envy—you don't know how messy her life really is. Chances are you wouldn't want it if you had it.)
5. Energy drain: Worry
When you worry, you think you're dealing with things, but you're just suffering. Worry never comes up with good ideas. It torments and exhausts us.
Energy move: Get going
Action is the cure for worry. Do one thing that brings you a step closer to coping. If it's the middle of the night, get up and write a to-do list.
6. Energy drain: Unfinished business
Unmade decisions and postponed projects drain you.
Energy move: Do it or dump it
Forget the perfect decision—just trust yourself and make a choice. Put projects in an appointment book. If you can't find any good time, that's a signal you don't want to do it. So don't.
7. Energy drain: Overcommitment
You're always saying "yes"—to your boss, mother, kids, friends; to requests, favors, meetings.
Energy move: Say "yes" to yourself
Tell someone else "no" every once in a while, just to feel your own power. You'll gain a whole new sense of your ability to take care of yourself.
8. Energy drain: Holding on to loss
Fresh loss is an emergency. But old losses you can't let go of are dead weight.
Energy move: Cry all your tears
Indulge in big-time mourning. Take off from work, stay in bed, and do nothing but cry till you're dry—and bored. Then go out and embrace life.
NEXT: 23 get-you-through-the-day energy boosters
MY THOUGHTS
What a way to start my Sunday! I'm just about to attend the live streaming of a Sunday service and this article has brought into my attention certain prayer concerns. Love it!
Saturday, April 16, 2011
Wednesday, January 26, 2011
7 ways to be stress free
7 ways to be stress free
12/29/2010
Use these tips and tools to strategize, plan and balance your life — and your pest management business.
Running a small business 24-7 is an all consuming task. Add to that the current economic climate and you’ve got more stress than you can handle. This can impact your health and the success of your business. "Most small business owners do not have a good work-life balance," says Randy Moser, an AdviCoach based in High Point, N.C. (www.advicoach.com). "The number one way to reduce stress is to keep yourself, your relationships and work all in proper perspective and priority." These tips can help you live a more balanced life, handle stress better and make you healthier in 2011:
Better Business. Here are some ways to manage your business better:
Set up a calendar. "Time management is the number one issue I work on with entrepreneurs," says Moser. The first step to turn it around is to document where you spend your time for a full week. Next, based on your priorities set up a default calendar and commit to it. For example, if you need to set aside time for marketing each week, put it on the schedule. Need time with your significant other and you’re working seven days a week? Block out Friday night. Need to exercise to burn off stress and get healthier? Write it down too. By doing this you’ll give structure to chaos and reduce unnecessary stressors.
Know your limits. "The root of many stressors in our lives comes from unrealistic expectations," says Moser. "If you control your expectations, you reduce some of your stress." This doesn’t mean you don’t have dreams. It means taking a realistic look at projects you want to undertake and asking yourself if you have the resources and capability to get it done. If you do, create an action plan and get busy. If not move on.
Have a 90-day and a 10-year vision. "It forces you to live within your capacity and your resources," says Moser. Say your 10-year vision is to make $15 million producing X, Y or Z. Break it down to the next 90 days and decide what you are going to do to move closer to your goal. "If you break it down into bite-sized expectations for the next year or the next two years you can get there."
Better YOU. Here are some ways to manage yourself better:
Keep your cool. "Most businesses revolve around dealing with the public, and dealing with the public can often mean dealing with rude people," says Jay Winner, M.D., director of the Stress Management Program for a large medical clinic in Santa Barbara, Calif., and the author of Take the Stress Out of Your Life (Da Capo Lifelong April 2008). "You’ll keep your cool if you remember that when someone is rude, they are almost always suffering in one way or another." Are they under excessive financial stress (pretty likely guess these days)? Are they having health problems? Family problems? "Taking the focus off ‘How dare they treat me like this,’ and instead thinking, ‘I wonder what is going on with him,’ will decrease your stress and hostility," Winner says.
Develop and maintain a routine. "Starting and maintaining a new business can often create stress," says Serena Wadhwa, Psy.D., clinical therapist and director of the TriQual Living Center (www.triqualiving.com) in Chicago. "By creating and maintaining a routine, you develop a sense of control, calmness and consistency." This can be as simple as having coffee in a place unrelated to your business and reading a book or working out in the morning before breakfast.
Go with the flow. "Accept that not everything always goes as planned," says Dr. Winner. "When you make out an invoice incorrectly, instead of thinking, ‘What a failure I am,’ think, ‘What can I learn from this?’"
Take a stress break. Use your computer to take a relaxation break, Winner says. Utilize the free relaxation exercise at www.stresremedy.com/relax.
The author is a Greenport, N.Y., freelance writer. She can be reached at cfiedler@giemedia.com.
MY THOUGHTS
business or no business, stress will forever be present. it's true, developing a routine gives you some sense of control. that lessens stress somehow. until something happens and you need to break the routine. then you'll get stressed again. unless you learn to go with the flow. it's good to plan. it's good to organize. but being ready (and yes, accepting of) for any disruption will help you be more relaxed.
12/29/2010
Use these tips and tools to strategize, plan and balance your life — and your pest management business.
Running a small business 24-7 is an all consuming task. Add to that the current economic climate and you’ve got more stress than you can handle. This can impact your health and the success of your business. "Most small business owners do not have a good work-life balance," says Randy Moser, an AdviCoach based in High Point, N.C. (www.advicoach.com). "The number one way to reduce stress is to keep yourself, your relationships and work all in proper perspective and priority." These tips can help you live a more balanced life, handle stress better and make you healthier in 2011:
Better Business. Here are some ways to manage your business better:
Set up a calendar. "Time management is the number one issue I work on with entrepreneurs," says Moser. The first step to turn it around is to document where you spend your time for a full week. Next, based on your priorities set up a default calendar and commit to it. For example, if you need to set aside time for marketing each week, put it on the schedule. Need time with your significant other and you’re working seven days a week? Block out Friday night. Need to exercise to burn off stress and get healthier? Write it down too. By doing this you’ll give structure to chaos and reduce unnecessary stressors.
Know your limits. "The root of many stressors in our lives comes from unrealistic expectations," says Moser. "If you control your expectations, you reduce some of your stress." This doesn’t mean you don’t have dreams. It means taking a realistic look at projects you want to undertake and asking yourself if you have the resources and capability to get it done. If you do, create an action plan and get busy. If not move on.
Have a 90-day and a 10-year vision. "It forces you to live within your capacity and your resources," says Moser. Say your 10-year vision is to make $15 million producing X, Y or Z. Break it down to the next 90 days and decide what you are going to do to move closer to your goal. "If you break it down into bite-sized expectations for the next year or the next two years you can get there."
Better YOU. Here are some ways to manage yourself better:
Keep your cool. "Most businesses revolve around dealing with the public, and dealing with the public can often mean dealing with rude people," says Jay Winner, M.D., director of the Stress Management Program for a large medical clinic in Santa Barbara, Calif., and the author of Take the Stress Out of Your Life (Da Capo Lifelong April 2008). "You’ll keep your cool if you remember that when someone is rude, they are almost always suffering in one way or another." Are they under excessive financial stress (pretty likely guess these days)? Are they having health problems? Family problems? "Taking the focus off ‘How dare they treat me like this,’ and instead thinking, ‘I wonder what is going on with him,’ will decrease your stress and hostility," Winner says.
Develop and maintain a routine. "Starting and maintaining a new business can often create stress," says Serena Wadhwa, Psy.D., clinical therapist and director of the TriQual Living Center (www.triqualiving.com) in Chicago. "By creating and maintaining a routine, you develop a sense of control, calmness and consistency." This can be as simple as having coffee in a place unrelated to your business and reading a book or working out in the morning before breakfast.
Go with the flow. "Accept that not everything always goes as planned," says Dr. Winner. "When you make out an invoice incorrectly, instead of thinking, ‘What a failure I am,’ think, ‘What can I learn from this?’"
Take a stress break. Use your computer to take a relaxation break, Winner says. Utilize the free relaxation exercise at www.stresremedy.com/relax.
The author is a Greenport, N.Y., freelance writer. She can be reached at cfiedler@giemedia.com.
MY THOUGHTS
business or no business, stress will forever be present. it's true, developing a routine gives you some sense of control. that lessens stress somehow. until something happens and you need to break the routine. then you'll get stressed again. unless you learn to go with the flow. it's good to plan. it's good to organize. but being ready (and yes, accepting of) for any disruption will help you be more relaxed.
Monday, January 17, 2011
Are You Creating Additional Stress For Yourself?
Stress and Self Sabotage:Are You Creating Additional Mental Stress For Yourself?
Mental and Emotional Stress: Are You Your Own Worst Enemy?
By Elizabeth Scott, M.S., About.com Guide
Updated November 08, 2007
About.com Health's Disease and Condition content is reviewed by the Medical Review Board
Though virtually everyone experiences stress, sometimes the way we react to stress amounts to self sabotage! We’ve all found ourselves being impatient with people or taking out frustrations on innocent bystanders, or causing unnecessary conflicts and mental stress because stress is clouding our judgment. And while some people find themselves creating this type of drama in their lives occasionally, others make this self sabotage a way of life, continually creating additional mental and emotional stress for themselves without being aware of their own role in this! The following are some of the most common ways that people create mental and emotional stress in their own lives. Carefully think about whether any of these self sabotage techniques apply to you, so you can make simple changes to reduce significant mental and emotional stress from your life.
Being “Type A”:
People who move through the world in a Type A pattern of behavior typically rush frantically and treat others with hostility, among other things. If you react to life in a Type A manner, you’re probably bringing unnecessary emotional stress to relationships with aggressiveness. You may be missing simple solutions to problems because you’re rushing so much that you don’t pay close enough attention to details, and thereby creating bigger problems. The Type A pattern also typically brings health problems somewhere down the road. To assess your level of Type A behavior patterns, take the Type A Personality Quiz, and you’ll find an assessment and useful resources to help you stop the self sabotage.
Negative Self Talk:
Sometimes, the enemy is inside your head in the form negative self talk. The way we talk to ourselves, while generally formed during childhood, can follow us through our lives and color each experience like a ray of sunshine or a dark cloud surrounding us and blocking our vision. Those whose self talk tends to be negative may attribute malevolent intent to others when none exists, interpret potentially positive events as negative and missing important benefits, or create a self-fulfilling prophecy by believing that their stress level is more than they can handle. If you suspect that you habitually use negative self talk in your daily life, it’s not too late to learn positive self talk. By keeping a journal and using other tools to become more aware of your inner voice, using positive affirmations and surrounding yourself with positive energy, you can turn things around for the better, and experience much less mental and emotional stress in your daily life.
Poor Conflict Resolution Skills:
Do you tend to act aggressively with people when simple assertiveness will work better? Or do you passively let others walk all over you because you don’t know how to say no? Conflicts with others are generally a part of life, but how we handle them can actually strengthen relationships, or can cause loads of additional mental stress for all involved, and create bigger conflicts that take on a life of their own. Interestingly, many people who act aggressively aren’t fully aware that they’re doing harm in their relationships, and aren’t familiar with a better way of handling things. To get a better idea of how you react to conflict, take the Assertiveness Quiz, and you’ll get an assessment of your conflict-resolution style and resources at the end. You can also get ideas on how to handle conflict by reading my 10 Best Ways to Handle Conflict and 10 Worst Ways to Handle Conflict.
Pessimism:
If you’re a pessimist, you may see things as worse than they really are, may pass up opportunities to better your, overlook solutions to problems, and cause yourself mental stress in many other ways as well. Pessimism is more than just seeing the glass as half-empty; it’s a specific worldview that undermines your belief in yourself, brings poorer health outcomes, fewer positive life events, and other negative consequences. (Read this article for a more detailed explanation of the traits of pessimists and optimists, with research on the benefits of optimism.) Because the traits of optimists and pessimists are specific and slightly elusive to someone who doesn’t know what to look for, many people with pessimistic tendencies are completely unaware of it and view themselves as optimists. To know your tendencies, take The Optimism Self Test, and get an assessment of your explanatory style and find resources for how to become more of an optimist.
Taking On Too Much:
Are you overscheduled and overstressed? You may be taking on too much, and putting yourself under undue pressure because of it. Whether it’s because you’re a type A type person or because you’re not sure how to say no to others’ demands on your time, you can put yourself in a state of chronic stress if you habitually take on more than you can handle. To assess your level of balance, take the Lifestyle Balance Quiz to see if you may need a change.
MY THOUGHT
this article reminds me so much of the 7 habits. if you have not read the book yet. please do. or attend a workshop. i used to be my worst enemy and i stress myself out. and other people. but the 7 habits is not enough. the bible is the best. as soon as i start feeling that the world is about to crash and close in on me,i grab the bible or stop for few minutes to pray. trust me, the tension magically (or mysteriously? or better yet miraculously) goes away.
Mental and Emotional Stress: Are You Your Own Worst Enemy?
By Elizabeth Scott, M.S., About.com Guide
Updated November 08, 2007
About.com Health's Disease and Condition content is reviewed by the Medical Review Board
Though virtually everyone experiences stress, sometimes the way we react to stress amounts to self sabotage! We’ve all found ourselves being impatient with people or taking out frustrations on innocent bystanders, or causing unnecessary conflicts and mental stress because stress is clouding our judgment. And while some people find themselves creating this type of drama in their lives occasionally, others make this self sabotage a way of life, continually creating additional mental and emotional stress for themselves without being aware of their own role in this! The following are some of the most common ways that people create mental and emotional stress in their own lives. Carefully think about whether any of these self sabotage techniques apply to you, so you can make simple changes to reduce significant mental and emotional stress from your life.
Being “Type A”:
People who move through the world in a Type A pattern of behavior typically rush frantically and treat others with hostility, among other things. If you react to life in a Type A manner, you’re probably bringing unnecessary emotional stress to relationships with aggressiveness. You may be missing simple solutions to problems because you’re rushing so much that you don’t pay close enough attention to details, and thereby creating bigger problems. The Type A pattern also typically brings health problems somewhere down the road. To assess your level of Type A behavior patterns, take the Type A Personality Quiz, and you’ll find an assessment and useful resources to help you stop the self sabotage.
Negative Self Talk:
Sometimes, the enemy is inside your head in the form negative self talk. The way we talk to ourselves, while generally formed during childhood, can follow us through our lives and color each experience like a ray of sunshine or a dark cloud surrounding us and blocking our vision. Those whose self talk tends to be negative may attribute malevolent intent to others when none exists, interpret potentially positive events as negative and missing important benefits, or create a self-fulfilling prophecy by believing that their stress level is more than they can handle. If you suspect that you habitually use negative self talk in your daily life, it’s not too late to learn positive self talk. By keeping a journal and using other tools to become more aware of your inner voice, using positive affirmations and surrounding yourself with positive energy, you can turn things around for the better, and experience much less mental and emotional stress in your daily life.
Poor Conflict Resolution Skills:
Do you tend to act aggressively with people when simple assertiveness will work better? Or do you passively let others walk all over you because you don’t know how to say no? Conflicts with others are generally a part of life, but how we handle them can actually strengthen relationships, or can cause loads of additional mental stress for all involved, and create bigger conflicts that take on a life of their own. Interestingly, many people who act aggressively aren’t fully aware that they’re doing harm in their relationships, and aren’t familiar with a better way of handling things. To get a better idea of how you react to conflict, take the Assertiveness Quiz, and you’ll get an assessment of your conflict-resolution style and resources at the end. You can also get ideas on how to handle conflict by reading my 10 Best Ways to Handle Conflict and 10 Worst Ways to Handle Conflict.
Pessimism:
If you’re a pessimist, you may see things as worse than they really are, may pass up opportunities to better your, overlook solutions to problems, and cause yourself mental stress in many other ways as well. Pessimism is more than just seeing the glass as half-empty; it’s a specific worldview that undermines your belief in yourself, brings poorer health outcomes, fewer positive life events, and other negative consequences. (Read this article for a more detailed explanation of the traits of pessimists and optimists, with research on the benefits of optimism.) Because the traits of optimists and pessimists are specific and slightly elusive to someone who doesn’t know what to look for, many people with pessimistic tendencies are completely unaware of it and view themselves as optimists. To know your tendencies, take The Optimism Self Test, and get an assessment of your explanatory style and find resources for how to become more of an optimist.
Taking On Too Much:
Are you overscheduled and overstressed? You may be taking on too much, and putting yourself under undue pressure because of it. Whether it’s because you’re a type A type person or because you’re not sure how to say no to others’ demands on your time, you can put yourself in a state of chronic stress if you habitually take on more than you can handle. To assess your level of balance, take the Lifestyle Balance Quiz to see if you may need a change.
MY THOUGHT
this article reminds me so much of the 7 habits. if you have not read the book yet. please do. or attend a workshop. i used to be my worst enemy and i stress myself out. and other people. but the 7 habits is not enough. the bible is the best. as soon as i start feeling that the world is about to crash and close in on me,i grab the bible or stop for few minutes to pray. trust me, the tension magically (or mysteriously? or better yet miraculously) goes away.
Sunday, January 16, 2011
Reduce Stress by Becoming an Optimist
Become More of an Optimist
By Elizabeth Scott, M.S., About.com Guide
Updated September 13, 2007
About.com Health's Disease and Condition content is reviewed by the Medical Review Board
Optimism is measured by your explanatory style, or how you define events. If you can learn to define positive events as being
a) because of something you did,
b) a sign of more good things to come and
c) evidence that good things will happen in other areas of your life,
you’re halfway there.
If you can also think of negative events as
a) not your fault, and
b) isolated occurrences that have no bearing on future events or other areas of your life, you’re the rest of the way there!
Difficulty: Easy
Time Required: Just a Few Extra Minutes
Here's How:
1. When something positive happens in your life, stop to analyze your thought process for a moment. Are you giving yourself due credit for making it happen? Think of all the strengths you possess and ways you contributed, both directly and indirectly, to make this event occur. For example, if you aced a test, don’t just think of how great it is that you were prepared, but also think of how your intelligence and dedication played a role.
2. Think of other areas of your life that could be affected by this good event. Also, think of how the strengths you possess that caused this good thing to happen can also cause other positive events in your life. For example, what other good things can come from your intelligence, dedication, and ability to effectively prepare for tasks?
3. Imagine what future possibilities could be in store. Because you hold the key to your success, shouldn’t you expect to do well on future tests? Isn’t a successful career a natural result?
4. When negative events occur, think of the extenuating circumstances that could have contributed to this happening. If you do poorly on an exam, for example, were you especially busy in the preceding week? Were you somewhat sleep deprived? What outside circumstances contributed to your failure? Keep in mind that this isn’t necessarily a reflection of personal weakness.
5. Also remember that you’ll have endless opportunities to do better in the future. Think of your next potential success, or other areas where you can excel.
Tips:
1. The key to optimism is to maximize your successes and minimize your failures.
2. It’s beneficial to look honestly at your shortcomings so you can work on them, but focusing on your strengths can never hurt.
3. Keep in mind that the more you practice challenging your thought patterns, the more automatic it'll become. Don't expect major changes in thinking right away, but do expect them to become ingrained over time.
4. Always remember that virtually any failure can be a learning experience, and an important step toward your next success!
5. Practice positive affirmations. They really work!
What You Need:
* A willingness to examine your thoughts.
* A few extra minutes to consistently reexamine your thought patterns.
MY THOUGHTS
i have no problem with these tips. for as long as we know how to balance things. over optimism may cause over confidence. and downplaying the failures too much may cause us to feel victims of circumstances.
By Elizabeth Scott, M.S., About.com Guide
Updated September 13, 2007
About.com Health's Disease and Condition content is reviewed by the Medical Review Board
Optimism is measured by your explanatory style, or how you define events. If you can learn to define positive events as being
a) because of something you did,
b) a sign of more good things to come and
c) evidence that good things will happen in other areas of your life,
you’re halfway there.
If you can also think of negative events as
a) not your fault, and
b) isolated occurrences that have no bearing on future events or other areas of your life, you’re the rest of the way there!
Difficulty: Easy
Time Required: Just a Few Extra Minutes
Here's How:
1. When something positive happens in your life, stop to analyze your thought process for a moment. Are you giving yourself due credit for making it happen? Think of all the strengths you possess and ways you contributed, both directly and indirectly, to make this event occur. For example, if you aced a test, don’t just think of how great it is that you were prepared, but also think of how your intelligence and dedication played a role.
2. Think of other areas of your life that could be affected by this good event. Also, think of how the strengths you possess that caused this good thing to happen can also cause other positive events in your life. For example, what other good things can come from your intelligence, dedication, and ability to effectively prepare for tasks?
3. Imagine what future possibilities could be in store. Because you hold the key to your success, shouldn’t you expect to do well on future tests? Isn’t a successful career a natural result?
4. When negative events occur, think of the extenuating circumstances that could have contributed to this happening. If you do poorly on an exam, for example, were you especially busy in the preceding week? Were you somewhat sleep deprived? What outside circumstances contributed to your failure? Keep in mind that this isn’t necessarily a reflection of personal weakness.
5. Also remember that you’ll have endless opportunities to do better in the future. Think of your next potential success, or other areas where you can excel.
Tips:
1. The key to optimism is to maximize your successes and minimize your failures.
2. It’s beneficial to look honestly at your shortcomings so you can work on them, but focusing on your strengths can never hurt.
3. Keep in mind that the more you practice challenging your thought patterns, the more automatic it'll become. Don't expect major changes in thinking right away, but do expect them to become ingrained over time.
4. Always remember that virtually any failure can be a learning experience, and an important step toward your next success!
5. Practice positive affirmations. They really work!
What You Need:
* A willingness to examine your thoughts.
* A few extra minutes to consistently reexamine your thought patterns.
MY THOUGHTS
i have no problem with these tips. for as long as we know how to balance things. over optimism may cause over confidence. and downplaying the failures too much may cause us to feel victims of circumstances.
Saturday, January 15, 2011
Develop Internal Control to Reduce Stress
Develop An Internal Locus of Control
By Elizabeth Scott, M.S., About.com Guide
Updated January 26, 2007
About.com Health's Disease and Condition content is reviewed by the Medical Review Board
Research has shown that those with an internal locus of control--that is, they feel that they control their own destiny, rather than their fate being largely determined by external forces--tend to be happier, less depressed, and less stressed. Fortunately, if your locus of control isn't as 'internal' as you'd like it to be, there are things you can do to change your locus of control and empower yourself. Here's a process to practice:
Difficulty: Average
Time Required: A Few Minutes
Here's How:
1. Realize that you always have choice to change your situation. Even if you don’t like the choices available at the moment, even if the only change you can make is in your attitude, you always have some choices.
2. When you feel trapped, make a list of all possible courses of action. Just brainstorm and write things down without evaluating them first.
3. You may want to also brainstorm with a friend to get more ideas that you may not have initially considered. Don’t shoot down these ideas right away, either; just write them down.
4. When you have a list, evaluate each one and decide on the best course of action for you, and keep the others in the back of your mind as alternative options. You may end up with the same answer you had before the brainstorming session, but this exercise can open your eyes to the amount of choices you have in a given situation. Seeing new possibilities will become more of a habit.
5. Repeat this practice when you feel trapped in frustrating situations in your life. In more casual, everyday situations, you can still expand your mind to new possibilities by doing this quickly and mentally.
Tips:
1. Notice your language and self talk. If you tend to speak in absolutes, stop. If your self talk is generally negative, read this article on the effects of negative self talk and how to make your self talk more positive.
2. Phase out phrases like, ‘I have no choice’, and, ‘I can’t…” You can replace them with, ‘I choose not to,’ or, ‘I don’t like my choices, but I will…’ Realizing and acknowledging that you always have choice (even if the choices aren’t ideal) can help you to change your situation, or accept it more easily if it really is the best of all available options.
3. Your attitude affects your stress level more than you may realize. This article can help you to learn more about mental and personality factors that influence your stress level, so you can make changes to keep stress down.
MY THOUGHTS
effective people gets all kinds of stressors but are able to manage their stress. habit #1 of the 7 habits of highly effective people is all about the locus of control. believe me, participants to the workshops that i ran almost always claimed that they have this kind of control. covey's principles however shoots right to the heart of the matter. and after the session on proactivity, most participants would say they do not actually have the control that they thought they have. it's apparent even in the way we speak - "i have no choice","there's nothing i can do", "this is just the way i am", "they won't allow that". so,if you've read this blog, read it again. and again. until you get it. then you'll know what i'm talking about.
By Elizabeth Scott, M.S., About.com Guide
Updated January 26, 2007
About.com Health's Disease and Condition content is reviewed by the Medical Review Board
Research has shown that those with an internal locus of control--that is, they feel that they control their own destiny, rather than their fate being largely determined by external forces--tend to be happier, less depressed, and less stressed. Fortunately, if your locus of control isn't as 'internal' as you'd like it to be, there are things you can do to change your locus of control and empower yourself. Here's a process to practice:
Difficulty: Average
Time Required: A Few Minutes
Here's How:
1. Realize that you always have choice to change your situation. Even if you don’t like the choices available at the moment, even if the only change you can make is in your attitude, you always have some choices.
2. When you feel trapped, make a list of all possible courses of action. Just brainstorm and write things down without evaluating them first.
3. You may want to also brainstorm with a friend to get more ideas that you may not have initially considered. Don’t shoot down these ideas right away, either; just write them down.
4. When you have a list, evaluate each one and decide on the best course of action for you, and keep the others in the back of your mind as alternative options. You may end up with the same answer you had before the brainstorming session, but this exercise can open your eyes to the amount of choices you have in a given situation. Seeing new possibilities will become more of a habit.
5. Repeat this practice when you feel trapped in frustrating situations in your life. In more casual, everyday situations, you can still expand your mind to new possibilities by doing this quickly and mentally.
Tips:
1. Notice your language and self talk. If you tend to speak in absolutes, stop. If your self talk is generally negative, read this article on the effects of negative self talk and how to make your self talk more positive.
2. Phase out phrases like, ‘I have no choice’, and, ‘I can’t…” You can replace them with, ‘I choose not to,’ or, ‘I don’t like my choices, but I will…’ Realizing and acknowledging that you always have choice (even if the choices aren’t ideal) can help you to change your situation, or accept it more easily if it really is the best of all available options.
3. Your attitude affects your stress level more than you may realize. This article can help you to learn more about mental and personality factors that influence your stress level, so you can make changes to keep stress down.
MY THOUGHTS
effective people gets all kinds of stressors but are able to manage their stress. habit #1 of the 7 habits of highly effective people is all about the locus of control. believe me, participants to the workshops that i ran almost always claimed that they have this kind of control. covey's principles however shoots right to the heart of the matter. and after the session on proactivity, most participants would say they do not actually have the control that they thought they have. it's apparent even in the way we speak - "i have no choice","there's nothing i can do", "this is just the way i am", "they won't allow that". so,if you've read this blog, read it again. and again. until you get it. then you'll know what i'm talking about.
Tuesday, January 11, 2011
relax with humor
Maintain A Sense of Humor
By Elizabeth Scott, M.S., About.com Guide
Updated August 16, 2010
About.com Health's Disease and Condition content is reviewed by the Medical Review Board
Developing a sense of humor about life’s challenges is an effective coping technique that can actually lead to better overall health as well as simple stress management. That’s because, aside from the health benefits of laughter (which are numerous and significant), having a sense of humor about life’s difficulties can provide a way to bond with others, look at things in a different way, normalize your experience, and keep things from appearing too overwhelming or scary. Properly developed, a good sense of humor can keep people and relationships strong. Here’s how to develop yours:
Difficulty: Easy
Time Required: Ongoing
Here's How:
1. Start With a Smile.
Studies show that having a smile on your face can release endorphins, which make you feel better, and can lead you to actually feeling more happy (rather than just looking more happy). If you are able to put a smile on your face, the laughter will come more easily, and the stress will melt more readily.
2. Take A Step Back.
When you’re in the middle of a difficult situation, it can seem overwhelming. If you try to see your situation as an observer would, it’s often easier to recognize what’s funny. For example, Lucy Ricardo (of the television classic, I Love Lucy) may have found nothing funny in getting locked in a freezer, having a fight with a fellow grape-squasher in a vineyard, or getting drunk while filming a television commercial for Vitamedaveggemin, but watching these scenarios can be hilarious. Sometimes imagining how you would look in a sitcom can be the secret key to finding the humor in a situation.
3. Value The Extremes.
If your situation seems ridiculously frustrating, recognize the potential humor in just how ridiculously frustrating and annoying it is. In your imagination, take the situation to an extreme that becomes even more ridiculous until you find yourself amused. For example, when you’re waiting in a long line at the store, you can imagine that hours pass, then days, visualizing yourself accepting visits from loved ones from your new home in this ultra-long line, holding your children’s birthday parties in aisle seven so you can be there to enjoy them…you get the picture.
4. Have A Funny Buddy.
Find a friend with whom you can laugh, and let the relationship work for you! You can each share your frustrations, and laugh about them in the process. Even when your friend isn’t there, you can lighten your mood in a dark situation by thinking about the retelling that will come later.
5. Make It A Game.
You can have a ‘most annoying boss’ contest with your friends, or try to count how many times the same potentially frustrating event happens in a day. (I was cut off in traffic 7 times today—I’m almost up to 10!) This works well for predictably or repetitive annoying situations that you can’t control; you can begin to value them in their own special way instead of letting them upset you.
6. Watch Funny Shows and Movies.
One of the factors that drive the popularity of shows like The Office or Everybody Loves Raymond, or movies like the classic Ferris Bueller’s Day Off, is that they take somewhat universal situations that many people find frustrating and push them a little further, pointing out the silliness of it all. Realizing that some universally annoying situations are actually funny, can help you endure them with a smile—even if it’s a wry or ironic smile.
7. Read Funny Books.
Read humorous essays like those of Dave Barry or David Sedaris, both of whom are able to take events, ranging from annoying to upsetting to even tragic, and find the humor—each in his own unique way. Also recommended are the humorous tidbits in Reader’s Digest, as well as classic humor books like Jerry Seinfeld’s SeinLanguage. Reading others’ humorous interpretations of life can help you find your own style of seeing the world in a different light.
8. Visit Funny Websites.
I love About.com’s Political Humor site, as it very effectively takes the normally frustrating and annoying (for me) world of politics and brings it to a very funny place. (The site can also serve as a reminder of how to see the humor in other situations in life.) I also recommend About.com’s general site, and David Letterman’s archives of Top 10 Lists for a good laugh.
9. Join Funny Clubs.
Oprah did a segment on Laughter Yoga that intrigued me, and I researched a club on my own, finding it to be a terrific place to enjoy a good laugh. Whether you’re taking the laughing seriously or laughing at the silliness of it all, taking part in the exercises of laughter yoga with other humor-participants can be a very effective way to get back in the practice of getting some more giggles into your day.
10. Email This Page To A Friend
MY THOUGHTS
there are days we cannot even start with a smile, right? and these are the days we need humor the most. taking a step back helps. but being with happy, funny (but sensible) people is still the best. it's hard not to have humor when you're surrounded by it. and yes, you forget about your woes once you start laughing.
By Elizabeth Scott, M.S., About.com Guide
Updated August 16, 2010
About.com Health's Disease and Condition content is reviewed by the Medical Review Board
Developing a sense of humor about life’s challenges is an effective coping technique that can actually lead to better overall health as well as simple stress management. That’s because, aside from the health benefits of laughter (which are numerous and significant), having a sense of humor about life’s difficulties can provide a way to bond with others, look at things in a different way, normalize your experience, and keep things from appearing too overwhelming or scary. Properly developed, a good sense of humor can keep people and relationships strong. Here’s how to develop yours:
Difficulty: Easy
Time Required: Ongoing
Here's How:
1. Start With a Smile.
Studies show that having a smile on your face can release endorphins, which make you feel better, and can lead you to actually feeling more happy (rather than just looking more happy). If you are able to put a smile on your face, the laughter will come more easily, and the stress will melt more readily.
2. Take A Step Back.
When you’re in the middle of a difficult situation, it can seem overwhelming. If you try to see your situation as an observer would, it’s often easier to recognize what’s funny. For example, Lucy Ricardo (of the television classic, I Love Lucy) may have found nothing funny in getting locked in a freezer, having a fight with a fellow grape-squasher in a vineyard, or getting drunk while filming a television commercial for Vitamedaveggemin, but watching these scenarios can be hilarious. Sometimes imagining how you would look in a sitcom can be the secret key to finding the humor in a situation.
3. Value The Extremes.
If your situation seems ridiculously frustrating, recognize the potential humor in just how ridiculously frustrating and annoying it is. In your imagination, take the situation to an extreme that becomes even more ridiculous until you find yourself amused. For example, when you’re waiting in a long line at the store, you can imagine that hours pass, then days, visualizing yourself accepting visits from loved ones from your new home in this ultra-long line, holding your children’s birthday parties in aisle seven so you can be there to enjoy them…you get the picture.
4. Have A Funny Buddy.
Find a friend with whom you can laugh, and let the relationship work for you! You can each share your frustrations, and laugh about them in the process. Even when your friend isn’t there, you can lighten your mood in a dark situation by thinking about the retelling that will come later.
5. Make It A Game.
You can have a ‘most annoying boss’ contest with your friends, or try to count how many times the same potentially frustrating event happens in a day. (I was cut off in traffic 7 times today—I’m almost up to 10!) This works well for predictably or repetitive annoying situations that you can’t control; you can begin to value them in their own special way instead of letting them upset you.
6. Watch Funny Shows and Movies.
One of the factors that drive the popularity of shows like The Office or Everybody Loves Raymond, or movies like the classic Ferris Bueller’s Day Off, is that they take somewhat universal situations that many people find frustrating and push them a little further, pointing out the silliness of it all. Realizing that some universally annoying situations are actually funny, can help you endure them with a smile—even if it’s a wry or ironic smile.
7. Read Funny Books.
Read humorous essays like those of Dave Barry or David Sedaris, both of whom are able to take events, ranging from annoying to upsetting to even tragic, and find the humor—each in his own unique way. Also recommended are the humorous tidbits in Reader’s Digest, as well as classic humor books like Jerry Seinfeld’s SeinLanguage. Reading others’ humorous interpretations of life can help you find your own style of seeing the world in a different light.
8. Visit Funny Websites.
I love About.com’s Political Humor site, as it very effectively takes the normally frustrating and annoying (for me) world of politics and brings it to a very funny place. (The site can also serve as a reminder of how to see the humor in other situations in life.) I also recommend About.com’s general site, and David Letterman’s archives of Top 10 Lists for a good laugh.
9. Join Funny Clubs.
Oprah did a segment on Laughter Yoga that intrigued me, and I researched a club on my own, finding it to be a terrific place to enjoy a good laugh. Whether you’re taking the laughing seriously or laughing at the silliness of it all, taking part in the exercises of laughter yoga with other humor-participants can be a very effective way to get back in the practice of getting some more giggles into your day.
10. Email This Page To A Friend
MY THOUGHTS
there are days we cannot even start with a smile, right? and these are the days we need humor the most. taking a step back helps. but being with happy, funny (but sensible) people is still the best. it's hard not to have humor when you're surrounded by it. and yes, you forget about your woes once you start laughing.
Monday, January 10, 2011
Relieve Stress With Visualization Breathing
Relieve Stress With Visualization Breathing
By Elizabeth Scott, M.S., About.com Guide
Updated February 21, 2009
About.com Health's Disease and Condition content is reviewed by the Medical Review Board
Both visualization and breathing exercises have been found to be great stress relief strategies. Here are some ways that you can use visualization techniques with breathing exercises to achieve quick and effective stress relief.
Difficulty: Easy
Time Required: 5 or More Minutes
Here's How:
1. Close Your Eyes And Relax.
Let your breathing become slower and deeper.
2. Practice Stress Relief Breathing.
Breathe from your diaphragm or belly instead of from your shoulders or chest. Don't force it, but let your breathing become natural and relaxed.
3. Visualize...
As you breathe in, imagine that 'relaxation' is coming into your body and flowing through your limbs, reaching every part of you. As you exhale, imagine that all the stress from your body is being exhaled. After a few minutes, you should feel more 'full' of peace, and the stress in your body should be reduced.
4. Or...
As you breathe, imagine that your hands and feet are getting warmer. With practice, this can further reverse your stress response and actually warm your extremities, relaxing your body in the process.
5. Another Idea...
Imagine that, with each breath, your body is becoming more and more loose. With each exhale, your limbs are a little more like spaghetti, your face a little more expressionless, your body a still pool of water.
6. Keep Breathing.
For five minutes or twenty, continuing this exercise can relieve stress and help you return to your activities (and stressors) with a renewed sense of strength and serenity.
Tips:
1. If you're really tired and fear that this will put you to sleep, keep your practice to about 5 minutes, or set an alarm.
2. Conversely, if you're having trouble sleeping, this exercise may prove very helpful.
3. You may also want to try other breathing exercises.
MY THOUGHTS
i'm never gonna be able to do this. i'm more the get-up-and-run to relieve stress. when i'm awfully stressed and you ask me to stay put even for just 5 minutes, i will probably explode. let me try this tonight though. even if i'm not stressed.
By Elizabeth Scott, M.S., About.com Guide
Updated February 21, 2009
About.com Health's Disease and Condition content is reviewed by the Medical Review Board
Both visualization and breathing exercises have been found to be great stress relief strategies. Here are some ways that you can use visualization techniques with breathing exercises to achieve quick and effective stress relief.
Difficulty: Easy
Time Required: 5 or More Minutes
Here's How:
1. Close Your Eyes And Relax.
Let your breathing become slower and deeper.
2. Practice Stress Relief Breathing.
Breathe from your diaphragm or belly instead of from your shoulders or chest. Don't force it, but let your breathing become natural and relaxed.
3. Visualize...
As you breathe in, imagine that 'relaxation' is coming into your body and flowing through your limbs, reaching every part of you. As you exhale, imagine that all the stress from your body is being exhaled. After a few minutes, you should feel more 'full' of peace, and the stress in your body should be reduced.
4. Or...
As you breathe, imagine that your hands and feet are getting warmer. With practice, this can further reverse your stress response and actually warm your extremities, relaxing your body in the process.
5. Another Idea...
Imagine that, with each breath, your body is becoming more and more loose. With each exhale, your limbs are a little more like spaghetti, your face a little more expressionless, your body a still pool of water.
6. Keep Breathing.
For five minutes or twenty, continuing this exercise can relieve stress and help you return to your activities (and stressors) with a renewed sense of strength and serenity.
Tips:
1. If you're really tired and fear that this will put you to sleep, keep your practice to about 5 minutes, or set an alarm.
2. Conversely, if you're having trouble sleeping, this exercise may prove very helpful.
3. You may also want to try other breathing exercises.
MY THOUGHTS
i'm never gonna be able to do this. i'm more the get-up-and-run to relieve stress. when i'm awfully stressed and you ask me to stay put even for just 5 minutes, i will probably explode. let me try this tonight though. even if i'm not stressed.
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